Filed under: Life, Work | Tags: blah blah blah, happy thanksgiving, smitten kitten, vodka redbull is my kryptonite, work update
Oh lordy!
Nearly a month since I’ve written here. Anyway, what’s been going on with me….
(I’ve point-formed it for your reading convenience & also because no one cares for anything that takes longer than 5 minutes tor read)
- The most important thing: I got a fancy pantsy corporate job! Yeah I’m pretty much a scene kid in office wear . No, not really – today I wore an oversized plaid (the boys and I had a mad discussion over plad vs. plaed., the boss agreed it was plaed so I WON…just don’t tell anyone it’s actually plad) men’s shirt with leggings which expectedly incited red-neck remarks and tractor jokes. Also rather unforgivably, I wore my leggings as pants (the horror!)
- Fun fact about the office: I work with 9 other guys. I refused to call them men so I’ve come up with a few other interchangeable terms for it e.g. boys, bigger boys, man-child, very tall kids. I love it when they get rowdy and make inapproriate comments but I’ll wait for another month before I start making ones that are just as rude. Don’t want to scare the children just yet.
- I’ve got a new toy – an iphone! Upside: It was fucking awesome. Downside: I think I sold my occupational integrity/soul just so I could play with one.
- I’ve been kinda smitten kitten with someone. Every time I talk about it, I want to punch the butterflies in my stomach away.
- Also spending an unhealthy amount of money partying it up. I call it warm-up for the festive season, D calls it alcohol dependency and mindless self indulgence. Whatever, one man’s meat is another man’s poison. I have also found out the hard way that Vodka Redbull is my kryptonite. There are currently 3 albums of pictures of us on Facebook titled “What Happened?”
- I’ve got my flight tickets to Jakarta for NYE all booked and ready. We’re hitting up Bali after (INDONESIA IS NOT READY FOR THIS) so I’m kinda excited.
Yep, so basically pretty much….that. Oh if my colleagues read this blog, HELLO – so much for a hush hush internet footprint. Happy (late) Thanksgiving!
Filed under: Politics, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Work, Youth Culture | Tags: Chuck Klosterman, Michael Moore is a fat fuck, Miss Singapore is a sad sob, NBC vs MSNBC, The Sunday tabloids
And I’m back but not with wishywashy political fuckery this time around. Nothing much has happened these past couple of days.
The sunday New Paper (tabloid-styled local newspaper) featured an article about this year’s Miss Singapore World candidate and her lack of love life. Other than the fact that watching my fingernails grow would have been more interesting than the journalist in question’s writing style, oh boo-hoo, like I really want to read about some moderately hot chick and her inability to get laid. Seriously, of all trivialities – so you’re really smart and pretty but men are intimidated by you…like the rest of us hard working class citizen type average joes really give a shit.
Edit: Dear Michael Moore,
I bought Mike’s Election Guide 2008 last week and guess what? Much like the cinematic car crash that was Farenheit 911, your book SUCKED. I want my $20.80 spent and that 3 hours of my life I wasted reading that shit, back.
P/S Lose some fucking weight, stop eating at mcdonalds.
P.P.S R.i.p Keith Olbermann & Chris Matthews, they have been kicked off MSNBC’s political night commentaries. I love Keith but he has been quite the douche bag lately. Gotta love them NBC vs. MSNBC on-air brawls. Oh the hilarity!
Filed under: Fashion, Too Much Info, Work | Tags: Greasy hair, Juice Magazine, Poop, Singapore, Sit Toilets, Squat Toilets, Ugly clothes, Worst toilet in Scotland
I fucking hate squat toilets. Whoever said they were cleaner than sit toilets is a liar. I don’t care if “It does not involve any contact between the buttocks and a potentially unsanitary surface”, sit toilets lets you read while you’re on the crapper. How else would I have the time to look at pictures in my monthly copy of Juice magazine?
Although my drunken behavior might sometimes prove otherwise, I really don’t have a wiener so the likely hood of me pissing all over my cool new shoes is higher than a couple of pre-pubescent boys huffing and peaking on glue. And why yes, I’m sure stepping on misfired month old urine is really hygienic. Tried taking a dump in one of them? Last week I had the misfortune of eating a past expiry date chili something and holy hell was my body mad at me or what. It smelt like Satan’s breath and to be honest, leaking spicy oil from your butt isn’t as funny as you’d think. I wanted to gag and cry at the same time. The sheer exhaustion of a taking a huge dump/liquidshits and squatting precariously over a hole in the ground filled with radioactive waste matter is some feat indeed. I think the Thais deserve medals. Anyway, here’s a funny post about poop from my all time favorite community (don’t worry it’s text only but i laughed so hard it made me weep) Also D, for the record, no I am not into scat porn.
Today I wore an old gray furry sweat shirt, a black tshirt inside, gray shorts and my ratty black no logo high tops to work. My hair isn’t washed (late party last night) and I look disgusting (more so than ever). No I’m not trying to go after a particular image. Hobo chic is quite gross. My lack of fashion sense appalls me. Yuck. Wish I had a camera with me right now. My outfit deserves mocking. Bye
Filed under: Celebutards, Life, Work, Youth Culture | Tags: Bad novels and equally horrible film adaptations, Being a slave to the man, Celeste Chen, Singapore, The Josie Window, Xiaxue
So I’m pretty much swamped in work. Actually trying to spin word vomit into seemingly sensible articles wasn’t as easy as I thought. It looks like blogging for a living really isn’t the lifestyle I made it out to be inside my head. The Straits Times published an article about this off the NYtimes recently and if you haven’t read it already, check it out here. I hope I’m not the only one secretly hoping Wendy Whatsherface shows up dead.
Ok so granted she might not be receiving a Pulitzer prize for journalism any time soon and maybe I’m jealous that I don’t get to foul mouth it out on the interweb and still get paid for it but the whole NLB archival really ticked me off. I’d like to think that the literary standards of Singapore are far from appalling (what happened to Catherine Lim and god forbid Russell Lee) but mmm… I guess we’ll have to make do with what we have. And hey, while we’re at it why not add top model Nicole Chen’s little sister Celeste on that list too. Between Jamie-Lynn Spears, Miley Cyrus (better known as Hannah Montan – O Disney, wasn’t Hilary Duff Vs. Lizzie Mcguire enough?) and Celeste, it might not seem like an all bad idea to think about getting my tubes tied early. Seriously, talk about not knowing when to shut up, put the camera down and read a goddamn book.
Oh and I thought i might share this even though i put myself at direct risk of being openly mocked by my hoity toity murakami endorsing pseudo intelligent friends, i loaned a copy of P.S I LOVE YOU from the editor.
Dear miss Cecelia Ahern, you might be hot shit to the millions of house-confined, sexually starved and affection repressed women around the world but I want the 7 hours I wasted reading that turd of a book back.
And since we’re already on the topic of superficiality and shallowness, Ian and I had a funny conversation about how we categorized people 2 days ago. And we basically came up with a chart. I trust you will find this very useful.
I christen it the Josie Window. I don’t remember what led up to it but a combination of being bored/lazy in the office and having a knack for bizarre/ridiculous conversations usually does the trick. Back at home, D and I spent 2 hours fitting all our friends into it.
Ah…fun. Can you guess which portion of the table you fit into?
Filed under: Celebutards, Life, Music, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Travel, Work | Tags: Brandon Boyd, Fatigue, Holy cow i heart Kuala Lumpur, Home Club, Incubus, Pa-arh-tay, Stupid hipster brats, Twilight Actiongirl, Work Blows
This is long overdue. I feel like I write so much in the day I haven’t anything good left to dump here.
Kuala Lumpur was fantastic. You know where to look for pictures. I had a heap of fun meeting the TAG boys again and partying it up at the Loft. Funny story: my new bangs make me look younger so this overly testosterone obviously hormonal bouncer at the door carded me (total angst-overcompensation for his lack of hair i bet) and i had no idea they’d switched their age limit to 21 so naturally i panicked even though the boys had put me on their guest list.
Thanks to my quick reflexes and mad ninja skills, i figured i could only bank on the single thing i was remotely good at… talking my way/lying through my teeth. So naturally I attempted some serious name-dropping (“O I know so-and-so & they’re expecting me upstairs already!” – FACT) and shoved my name card in his face (“I’m a writer for a magazine! I’m here to cover the ‘night!” – FACT), and bitched about how I was a tourist and how he seriously didn’t expect me to bring my passport around especially not when my sole purpose was to get shit-faced drunk (FACT AGAIN!) So technically I didn’t really have to pull any of my Jedi mind tricks but all the same, I have never felt more disgusting telling the truth EVER. He let me through in the end, probably sick to his stomach from the pathetic strings i had to pull. No matter though, feelings of repugnance are easily washed away by jugs of really cheap whiskey and vodka. God how i love Malaysia.
Speaking of which I haven’t set foot into Home Club for the longest while. And it seems like with the demise of gossipboy comes a whole new slew of rumor-mongering. I invited a certain acquaintance to The Rakes at Zouk on thursday and apparently I missed out on a “PLUS ONES ARE THE EQUIVALENCE OF FUCK BUDDIES” memo that was passed around. Really I don’t see why my love life is of any concern to anyone but myself. For the record, I am not a home wrecker so you can stop asking me why my relationship status on Facebook is unavailable. Go read a book. It’ll do you a hell lot of good.
Still on the topic of Home Club, it seems like a lot of drama has gone down of late. Hah, of late indeed. Still the same old melodramatic scumhole full of ignorant indie hipster wannabe kids. Just the way I left it.
These days I’m so busy with work I couldn’t care less. I spend 3/5 of my time in the office and the other 2/5 trying to cherish the short weekends with a little ‘me’ time. In between little chi-chic schmoozing parties (what do you do for Earth Hour? I was at at this hippie party that contrary to popular belief, did not stink of douche baggery) and that little time i try to devote every week to hanging out with my close friends properly, I am in some serious state of stretched thin.
Ranting calls for another post. I’m tired and it’s past my bed time. I hope you’ve had other good things to read online while I was away.
By the way I did not get to take a picture with Senor Boyd. Was I mad? Yes. Did I want to strangle the organizers? Yes. But I was also [---] that close to him at the press conference so somehow that made things a-okay. Boy, unattainable rockstars aside, I am so easy to please. Pah!
Filed under: Celebutards, Life, Politics, Travel, Work | Tags: Douglas Coupland, Hillary Clinton, Holiday, Obama'08, Old School Gaming, Sunburst Festival, US Elections, Work
It’s going to be a busy couple of days this week, actually – all the way leading up to my trip to KL. If you haven’t already heard, I’ll be covering the KL Sunburst festival for the magazine on the 15th so ze editor & I will be making our way up on the 14th so that we can attend their pre-show artist party. O yes, I am somewhat bragging about this. Festival line up includes Incubus (I don’t want babies but if i did, I want Monsuier Boyd to father them), John Legend, The Roots, George Clinton ya-dah. I am in some seriously state of stoked. Still hopeful that the quick getaway will re-spark my lack of focus.
Tomorrow I’ll be heading down to the Swissotel Stamford for an EA launch party for Rock Band. It’s being thrown at the helipad/top of the 31279823th floor. I’m not really big on serious gaming (FREAKS & GEEKS ALL OF THEM!) but I’ll figure something out. And then Saturday there’s a Lush 99.5fm anniversary party at Prive. In a bid to not appear like the media/PR slut i really am or clear out my bank account, I’m probably going to have to turn these down once in a while. Too bad in between all this pseudo-glamorous partying I still have to come up with 3 more articles for the April issue. Ah I feel so adult and “Can i fit you in between 3pm and 5pm?”-ish. Btw, this is why I love Michael Musto and want to work for the Village Voice.
Nothing exciting socially happening to me at the moment. Let’s see, I finally finished Sonic the Hedgehog 1.o on Sega Megadrive and I started a neopets account just for the heck of it. I was contemplating between maplestory or neopets and then i remembered kawaii-esque graphics gives me excruciating abdominal pain and projectile vomit. I re-read Generation X (Douglas Coupland) last night but it only reminded me of the putrid taste that i get in my mouth after i watch episodes of jPod. To be fair, Canada does have some good exports. Such a poor pity that Steph Song isn’t one of them.
Back to the US elections, congratulations to Billary on winning 3/4 of the primaries. She’s been EVERYWHERE on the telly these days (well okay not locally obviously. Singaporeans don’t care about politics so much because of the lack of liberal media), the today show, good morning america, SNL. Her team is really going into overdrive. I don’t know. Her campaigns are somewhat stronger now that Mister Monica Lewinksy’s backing her and she honestly seems like she’s got a shot at this. This time it’s getting serious so if she wants to win this she has got to pull Tim Gunn (make it work!). I’m not about to switch camps anytime soon but we’ll see.
Next entry: Why I am a Barack Obama supporter & Why I give a fudge about american politics when I reside in Singapore.
P.s Jeebus worshipping freaky nut-job Mike Huckabee has dropped out of the race. Can I get a Hallelujah & an Amen?
