Filed under: The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Too Much Info | Tags: sick
Just a head’s up that I have contracted the deathly flu virus and might not make it through the night.
If there was ever a time to point your finger and sneer at my miserable plight, this would be it so I am urging you to seize this window of opportunity!
Hurry!
Filed under: The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Too Much Info | Tags: french cries and whaaaamburgers, John Mayer, please sir may I have some more, The Josie Window
JOSIE for the the love of god, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Now I know why the whole world wants him to sit the fuck down.
Filed under: Too Much Info
Still talking shit but you’re the one eating it. This is not a coincidence, there is no such thing.
Filed under: Fashion, Too Much Info, Work | Tags: Greasy hair, Juice Magazine, Poop, Singapore, Sit Toilets, Squat Toilets, Ugly clothes, Worst toilet in Scotland
I fucking hate squat toilets. Whoever said they were cleaner than sit toilets is a liar. I don’t care if “It does not involve any contact between the buttocks and a potentially unsanitary surface”, sit toilets lets you read while you’re on the crapper. How else would I have the time to look at pictures in my monthly copy of Juice magazine?
Although my drunken behavior might sometimes prove otherwise, I really don’t have a wiener so the likely hood of me pissing all over my cool new shoes is higher than a couple of pre-pubescent boys huffing and peaking on glue. And why yes, I’m sure stepping on misfired month old urine is really hygienic. Tried taking a dump in one of them? Last week I had the misfortune of eating a past expiry date chili something and holy hell was my body mad at me or what. It smelt like Satan’s breath and to be honest, leaking spicy oil from your butt isn’t as funny as you’d think. I wanted to gag and cry at the same time. The sheer exhaustion of a taking a huge dump/liquidshits and squatting precariously over a hole in the ground filled with radioactive waste matter is some feat indeed. I think the Thais deserve medals. Anyway, here’s a funny post about poop from my all time favorite community (don’t worry it’s text only but i laughed so hard it made me weep) Also D, for the record, no I am not into scat porn.
Today I wore an old gray furry sweat shirt, a black tshirt inside, gray shorts and my ratty black no logo high tops to work. My hair isn’t washed (late party last night) and I look disgusting (more so than ever). No I’m not trying to go after a particular image. Hobo chic is quite gross. My lack of fashion sense appalls me. Yuck. Wish I had a camera with me right now. My outfit deserves mocking. Bye
Filed under: Life, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Too Much Info | Tags: Potty talk
It turns out I’m more lactose intolerent than I thought I was. Pictures soon!
I’m kidding. My camera USB cable isnt working ):
Filed under: Life, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Too Much Info, Youth Culture | Tags: D, F-I-G-H-T, Lame-o music, Name-calling, Stephen Hawking
I’m having a pretty awful friday night, which is odd because my fridays are usually spent getting plastered at your favorite hideout. I won’t care for washing too much of my laundry on this journal but then if i can’t say it here, when can i ever?
Anyway D and i got into a fight. Like a proper one, with yelling and name-calling and sulking in our respective rooms. Shit, i care for that boy so much and all he does is act like a fucking blow job. Yea you heard me right. It’s the latest ‘it’ phrase along with ’sick’. The former is pretty self-explanatory (I have come to the conclusiont that there’s really nothing worse than being called that with the exception of Giant Vagina, Teabagging Party, Testicular Insertion and Fallopian Juice) If you have any other creative suggestions, please leave a comment i’d be interested to hear.
So basically because I was too pissed off to leave the house, i got stuck at home doing random interweb trawling which wasn’t a bad thing til for some reason i got all nostalgic for really old music. Old like 5 years ago and not cliff richards please. Anyway so i stockpile the Taking Back Sunday and DC from Ian and like dig up the rest of the Senses Fail, Alk3 crap from my junkyard CD box and omg, the flood gates of bad memories come pouring through. Honestly, i’d rather kill myself than have to live through the ages of 14-18 again. I’ve had some fantastic times but holy crap, my teenage angst has a body count much? For now, as much as the quarter-life crisis bullshit is sucking the soul out of me, i’ll stick to being a grown up.
And since this entire entry has been nothing but crude language, i’ve decided to top it all off with even more bad taste:
Haw haw. Poor Silly Mister Stephen Hawking.
Filed under: Fashion, Life, Too Much Info, Youth Culture | Tags: Family, Fashion-trashion, Nu-rave, Topman
Oh Topman, must you really be such a strong advocator for passé youth-subcultures. Admittedly, this whole NuRave sub-culture did fascinate me for a moment, in the same way poo-related entries amuse me on Too-Much-Info, or why people call it “taking a dump” when you’re actually just leaving one, but this has really gone too far hasn’t it?
Listen kiddos, skinny red jeans don’t look that good unless you’re Jack White, and even then, Nu-Rave is too 2007. D is pushing for Semi-Nudity to be the next big thing in 2008 but i don’t know how far that will catch on. John Galliano did it in the early 90’s with heaps of chiffon, and then there was the whole Jelly-Kelly Birkin bags movement(Yuck!), but you never know.
I don’t care if the next fashion trend is just as annoying, i just want them nu-rave/geek chic turds to stop dressing like that. Over-sized glasses is making my 85-year old diabetes stricken-visually impaired Grand Mother look like an Anna Wintour-esque style icon. And rest assuredly, unless bedwetting is trendy, she certainly isn’t.
Filed under: Life, Too Much Info | Tags: Birthday, Fetish, Goldendoodle, Midgets
I’ve decided what i want for my 20th Birthday - a little troup of midget minions!
Oh man oh man oh man i Freaking love midgets. And not in that kinky necrophilic/bukkake/2girls1cup.com fetish sort of way. They’re like adorable non-choking hazard polly pockets with their tiny arms and their tiny legs. I just wanna dress them up and take them out for walks and teach them how to shin-kick attack/beg/fetch/roll over and play dead, all on command. My own personalized litter of little people filled with ALOT of fun. Wow! Pet puppy < midgets, fo’ shizzle!
