Filed under: Celebutards, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Youth Culture | Tags: Men with ovaries, Popstars that are bat shit crazy, The F1 Grand Prix
The next numbnut that pronounces Grand Prix literally, I am going to beat with a stick. No, Dipshit sitting next to me on the train with the fucking annoying ringtone and hairy knuckles, it is not the gerand preeks. It’s the gron-pree you ill-informed Neanderthal. How about you stop listening to Soul-ja Boy on repeat and read a fucking book why don’t you.
Something exciting needs to happen on Saturday. Maybe rain. Maybe a wreck. Maybe both. Maybe flaming wrecks trapped in a tunnel while the rain floods and seals the exits somehow. Daylight was a terrible movie.
Questions to ask yourself way too early in the morning: Why does Sylvester Stallon not have a speech therapist. I googled him after typing in that sentence, about to comment on how hearing him speak brings to mind a child that had been dropped on his head at birth, but according to wikipedia: “Birth complications caused partial paralysis in parts of Stallone’s face, resulting in his signature slurred speech and drooping lower lip.” Ohhhh SNAP!
Great job on the blusher Rambo, I love the healthy flush.
Don’t you love it when things go horribly horribly horribly wrong?
Filed under: Celebutards, Politics, Television | Tags: Anderson Cooper, Conan O'Brien, Pooper scooper, Sexy beasts, The real Gossip Girl, US Elections 08
Alright, one last cheap shot. Conan O’Brien sent Triumph the Comic Insult Dog to the 2008 Republican National Convention and it was flipping hilarious, I think I nearly peed a little laughing (“Fox news swings to the right more than Ann Coulter’s Strap On”) Check it out here.
There’s this little bit around 3:06 where the delicious silver fox Anderson Cooper makes an appearance and totally pwns Triumph. Anderson makes watching CNN an infinity times more exciting. He’s probably one of the reasons why I have unrealistic expectations of men, which most unfortunately would not result in our eventual marriage but my slow, sad descent into bag-lady spinsterdom with my 10 cats. I don’t care if he’s a pooper scooper, I want to do unspeakably dirty things with him now more so than ever (especially after he ripped Dina & Ali Lohan a new one on the Regis & Kelly Show)
Filed under: Celebutards, Television, Youth Culture | Tags: ali lohan, baby prostitutes, Celebrity Gossip, Chelsea Lately, the Real desperate housewives, the sad sad lohan family
Remember when Ali Lohan didn’t look like a 39 year old Desperate Housewife? Oh Dina, I forgot – you’re not like a regular mom, you’re a cool mom~ (five bucks if you can guess what movie that’s from) I probably shouldnt care as much as I do about trainwreck celebrity families but oh snapples, taking vicious swipes at households more dysfunctional than mine? Like anyone can resist.
Chelsea Lately did some major sick sketches parodying Living Lohan that you should check out. I’ve seen snips of it on E! and everytime I hear that Long Island accent I just want to punch myself in the ovaries.
Filed under: Celebutards, Youth Culture | Tags: bat man, boy toys, christopher bale, inside the actor's studio, man bat, silly gifs
I was watching TDK for the third time over the internet today (nay, i am not a pirate: free movie streaming chekkit!) and I don’t know about you, but wouldn’t you reckon Bat Man to be a thousand times more terrifying if he was actually half bat and half man?
So I did a little investigating and it turns out that a half man half bat creature already existed. I present to you:
MAN-BAT!!!
I guess someone from DC comics ran out of ideas..anyway, he belongs to the Secret Society of Super Villians, battles Bat Man from time to time and if you really give a shit, first appeared in Detective Comics #400 (June 1970).
Anyway I leave you with a hilarious Christian Bale .gif that made me chuckle a little more than I’m proud of. Be sure to read every frame!
Filed under: Celebutards, Life, Work, Youth Culture | Tags: Bad novels and equally horrible film adaptations, Being a slave to the man, Celeste Chen, Singapore, The Josie Window, Xiaxue
So I’m pretty much swamped in work. Actually trying to spin word vomit into seemingly sensible articles wasn’t as easy as I thought. It looks like blogging for a living really isn’t the lifestyle I made it out to be inside my head. The Straits Times published an article about this off the NYtimes recently and if you haven’t read it already, check it out here. I hope I’m not the only one secretly hoping Wendy Whatsherface shows up dead.
Ok so granted she might not be receiving a Pulitzer prize for journalism any time soon and maybe I’m jealous that I don’t get to foul mouth it out on the interweb and still get paid for it but the whole NLB archival really ticked me off. I’d like to think that the literary standards of Singapore are far from appalling (what happened to Catherine Lim and god forbid Russell Lee) but mmm… I guess we’ll have to make do with what we have. And hey, while we’re at it why not add top model Nicole Chen’s little sister Celeste on that list too. Between Jamie-Lynn Spears, Miley Cyrus (better known as Hannah Montan – O Disney, wasn’t Hilary Duff Vs. Lizzie Mcguire enough?) and Celeste, it might not seem like an all bad idea to think about getting my tubes tied early. Seriously, talk about not knowing when to shut up, put the camera down and read a goddamn book.
Oh and I thought i might share this even though i put myself at direct risk of being openly mocked by my hoity toity murakami endorsing pseudo intelligent friends, i loaned a copy of P.S I LOVE YOU from the editor.
Dear miss Cecelia Ahern, you might be hot shit to the millions of house-confined, sexually starved and affection repressed women around the world but I want the 7 hours I wasted reading that turd of a book back.
And since we’re already on the topic of superficiality and shallowness, Ian and I had a funny conversation about how we categorized people 2 days ago. And we basically came up with a chart. I trust you will find this very useful.
I christen it the Josie Window. I don’t remember what led up to it but a combination of being bored/lazy in the office and having a knack for bizarre/ridiculous conversations usually does the trick. Back at home, D and I spent 2 hours fitting all our friends into it.
Ah…fun. Can you guess which portion of the table you fit into?
Filed under: Celebutards, Life, Music, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Travel, Work | Tags: Brandon Boyd, Fatigue, Holy cow i heart Kuala Lumpur, Home Club, Incubus, Pa-arh-tay, Stupid hipster brats, Twilight Actiongirl, Work Blows
This is long overdue. I feel like I write so much in the day I haven’t anything good left to dump here.
Kuala Lumpur was fantastic. You know where to look for pictures. I had a heap of fun meeting the TAG boys again and partying it up at the Loft. Funny story: my new bangs make me look younger so this overly testosterone obviously hormonal bouncer at the door carded me (total angst-overcompensation for his lack of hair i bet) and i had no idea they’d switched their age limit to 21 so naturally i panicked even though the boys had put me on their guest list.
Thanks to my quick reflexes and mad ninja skills, i figured i could only bank on the single thing i was remotely good at… talking my way/lying through my teeth. So naturally I attempted some serious name-dropping (“O I know so-and-so & they’re expecting me upstairs already!” – FACT) and shoved my name card in his face (“I’m a writer for a magazine! I’m here to cover the ‘night!” – FACT), and bitched about how I was a tourist and how he seriously didn’t expect me to bring my passport around especially not when my sole purpose was to get shit-faced drunk (FACT AGAIN!) So technically I didn’t really have to pull any of my Jedi mind tricks but all the same, I have never felt more disgusting telling the truth EVER. He let me through in the end, probably sick to his stomach from the pathetic strings i had to pull. No matter though, feelings of repugnance are easily washed away by jugs of really cheap whiskey and vodka. God how i love Malaysia.
Speaking of which I haven’t set foot into Home Club for the longest while. And it seems like with the demise of gossipboy comes a whole new slew of rumor-mongering. I invited a certain acquaintance to The Rakes at Zouk on thursday and apparently I missed out on a “PLUS ONES ARE THE EQUIVALENCE OF FUCK BUDDIES” memo that was passed around. Really I don’t see why my love life is of any concern to anyone but myself. For the record, I am not a home wrecker so you can stop asking me why my relationship status on Facebook is unavailable. Go read a book. It’ll do you a hell lot of good.
Still on the topic of Home Club, it seems like a lot of drama has gone down of late. Hah, of late indeed. Still the same old melodramatic scumhole full of ignorant indie hipster wannabe kids. Just the way I left it.
These days I’m so busy with work I couldn’t care less. I spend 3/5 of my time in the office and the other 2/5 trying to cherish the short weekends with a little ‘me’ time. In between little chi-chic schmoozing parties (what do you do for Earth Hour? I was at at this hippie party that contrary to popular belief, did not stink of douche baggery) and that little time i try to devote every week to hanging out with my close friends properly, I am in some serious state of stretched thin.
Ranting calls for another post. I’m tired and it’s past my bed time. I hope you’ve had other good things to read online while I was away.
By the way I did not get to take a picture with Senor Boyd. Was I mad? Yes. Did I want to strangle the organizers? Yes. But I was also [---] that close to him at the press conference so somehow that made things a-okay. Boy, unattainable rockstars aside, I am so easy to please. Pah!
Filed under: Celebutards, Life, Politics, Travel, Work | Tags: Douglas Coupland, Hillary Clinton, Holiday, Obama'08, Old School Gaming, Sunburst Festival, US Elections, Work
It’s going to be a busy couple of days this week, actually – all the way leading up to my trip to KL. If you haven’t already heard, I’ll be covering the KL Sunburst festival for the magazine on the 15th so ze editor & I will be making our way up on the 14th so that we can attend their pre-show artist party. O yes, I am somewhat bragging about this. Festival line up includes Incubus (I don’t want babies but if i did, I want Monsuier Boyd to father them), John Legend, The Roots, George Clinton ya-dah. I am in some seriously state of stoked. Still hopeful that the quick getaway will re-spark my lack of focus.
Tomorrow I’ll be heading down to the Swissotel Stamford for an EA launch party for Rock Band. It’s being thrown at the helipad/top of the 31279823th floor. I’m not really big on serious gaming (FREAKS & GEEKS ALL OF THEM!) but I’ll figure something out. And then Saturday there’s a Lush 99.5fm anniversary party at Prive. In a bid to not appear like the media/PR slut i really am or clear out my bank account, I’m probably going to have to turn these down once in a while. Too bad in between all this pseudo-glamorous partying I still have to come up with 3 more articles for the April issue. Ah I feel so adult and “Can i fit you in between 3pm and 5pm?”-ish. Btw, this is why I love Michael Musto and want to work for the Village Voice.
Nothing exciting socially happening to me at the moment. Let’s see, I finally finished Sonic the Hedgehog 1.o on Sega Megadrive and I started a neopets account just for the heck of it. I was contemplating between maplestory or neopets and then i remembered kawaii-esque graphics gives me excruciating abdominal pain and projectile vomit. I re-read Generation X (Douglas Coupland) last night but it only reminded me of the putrid taste that i get in my mouth after i watch episodes of jPod. To be fair, Canada does have some good exports. Such a poor pity that Steph Song isn’t one of them.
Back to the US elections, congratulations to Billary on winning 3/4 of the primaries. She’s been EVERYWHERE on the telly these days (well okay not locally obviously. Singaporeans don’t care about politics so much because of the lack of liberal media), the today show, good morning america, SNL. Her team is really going into overdrive. I don’t know. Her campaigns are somewhat stronger now that Mister Monica Lewinksy’s backing her and she honestly seems like she’s got a shot at this. This time it’s getting serious so if she wants to win this she has got to pull Tim Gunn (make it work!). I’m not about to switch camps anytime soon but we’ll see.
Next entry: Why I am a Barack Obama supporter & Why I give a fudge about american politics when I reside in Singapore.
P.s Jeebus worshipping freaky nut-job Mike Huckabee has dropped out of the race. Can I get a Hallelujah & an Amen?
Filed under: Celebutards, Music, Politics, Youth Culture | Tags: Hillary Clinton, Obama'08, Paramore, Stupid ill informed musicians, US Elections
Tennessee emo-rockers Paramore dropped by for Gigwise’s Tuborg Webchat Wednesday today (February 6) and, as expected, in a year-and-a-half of chats it was our busiest one yet.Fans from all over the globe, including their huge Brazilian community, posed their questions to guitarist Josh Farro and bassist Jeremy Davis and there was a variety of hot topics talked about – including religion and the US Presidential race.
When asked who they were backing to be the next President, Josh replied: “I haven’t really looked into US politicians that much this year. I really hope Hillary Clinton doesn’t get elected cause she’s crazy!!!!”
In response, Renan wrote: “The US needs a crazy person in charge, no offence.” Before Josh replied: “Why do we need a crazy person in charge? What good would that do?”
Wow, he sounds really informed. I guess that’s why children aren’t allowed to vote. I don’t hate the band but I loathe ignorant immature little shites. Please, don’t even attempt to make a comment on something if you don’t follow it. It just makes you sound sickeningly uneducated. Ugh, go read a book or study for your AP or something.
Like anyone is really going to take political advice from a hotshit band with bad hair. Stupid twat.
