Filed under: Celebutards, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Youth Culture | Tags: Men with ovaries, Popstars that are bat shit crazy, The F1 Grand Prix
The next numbnut that pronounces Grand Prix literally, I am going to beat with a stick. No, Dipshit sitting next to me on the train with the fucking annoying ringtone and hairy knuckles, it is not the gerand preeks. It’s the gron-pree you ill-informed Neanderthal. How about you stop listening to Soul-ja Boy on repeat and read a fucking book why don’t you.
Something exciting needs to happen on Saturday. Maybe rain. Maybe a wreck. Maybe both. Maybe flaming wrecks trapped in a tunnel while the rain floods and seals the exits somehow. Daylight was a terrible movie.
Questions to ask yourself way too early in the morning: Why does Sylvester Stallon not have a speech therapist. I googled him after typing in that sentence, about to comment on how hearing him speak brings to mind a child that had been dropped on his head at birth, but according to wikipedia: “Birth complications caused partial paralysis in parts of Stallone’s face, resulting in his signature slurred speech and drooping lower lip.” Ohhhh SNAP!
Great job on the blusher Rambo, I love the healthy flush.
Don’t you love it when things go horribly horribly horribly wrong?
Filed under: Politics, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Work, Youth Culture | Tags: Chuck Klosterman, Michael Moore is a fat fuck, Miss Singapore is a sad sob, NBC vs MSNBC, The Sunday tabloids
And I’m back but not with wishywashy political fuckery this time around. Nothing much has happened these past couple of days.
The sunday New Paper (tabloid-styled local newspaper) featured an article about this year’s Miss Singapore World candidate and her lack of love life. Other than the fact that watching my fingernails grow would have been more interesting than the journalist in question’s writing style, oh boo-hoo, like I really want to read about some moderately hot chick and her inability to get laid. Seriously, of all trivialities – so you’re really smart and pretty but men are intimidated by you…like the rest of us hard working class citizen type average joes really give a shit.
Edit: Dear Michael Moore,
I bought Mike’s Election Guide 2008 last week and guess what? Much like the cinematic car crash that was Farenheit 911, your book SUCKED. I want my $20.80 spent and that 3 hours of my life I wasted reading that shit, back.
P/S Lose some fucking weight, stop eating at mcdonalds.
P.P.S R.i.p Keith Olbermann & Chris Matthews, they have been kicked off MSNBC’s political night commentaries. I love Keith but he has been quite the douche bag lately. Gotta love them NBC vs. MSNBC on-air brawls. Oh the hilarity!
Filed under: Celebutards, Politics, Television | Tags: Anderson Cooper, Conan O'Brien, Pooper scooper, Sexy beasts, The real Gossip Girl, US Elections 08
Alright, one last cheap shot. Conan O’Brien sent Triumph the Comic Insult Dog to the 2008 Republican National Convention and it was flipping hilarious, I think I nearly peed a little laughing (“Fox news swings to the right more than Ann Coulter’s Strap On”) Check it out here.
There’s this little bit around 3:06 where the delicious silver fox Anderson Cooper makes an appearance and totally pwns Triumph. Anderson makes watching CNN an infinity times more exciting. He’s probably one of the reasons why I have unrealistic expectations of men, which most unfortunately would not result in our eventual marriage but my slow, sad descent into bag-lady spinsterdom with my 10 cats. I don’t care if he’s a pooper scooper, I want to do unspeakably dirty things with him now more so than ever (especially after he ripped Dina & Ali Lohan a new one on the Regis & Kelly Show)
Filed under: Politics | Tags: Barack bama, Elephants & Asses, Joe Biden, Mrs McCain is still a nut job, No one cares if McCain was in the military, Palin, US Elections 08
This deal with Sarah Palin …the more and more I see and read about her, the less and less I trust her and the more terrified and worried I am of her. It’s all getting too obvious why she’s even involved in this race but McCain has made a mistake. Everyone know you’re trying to freshen the Republican party up (John McCain is 73 years old) but the idea of this who-lady from where-ville being runner-up to the Nuclear codes frightens the crap out of me.
Now I understand how my previous statement could be miscontrued into ironic misogyny but let’s just take a quick look at the political experience Palin has had:
1. She’s only served less than 2 years as the govenor of Alaska. Quick Snapple cap fact btw, Alaska is also one of the most politcally corrupt states in the US and since 2004, has been under investigation from the Feds and the IRS. Palin is strongly against corruption yet is currently being reviewed regarding unlawful dismissal of a Public Safety Commissioner.
2. Howeverr, she’s served two terms as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska – a city with a 7000 STRONG POPULATION! That has to count for something right?
And despite her contribution to the energy conservation bill, her involvement in national politics is almost non-existant. She also has no foreign policy experience whatsoever. And you know what the McCain camp is gonna say… ~it doesn’t matter if she doesnt have foreign policy experience because well, John McCain has loads of it~. Which is fine…so long McCain is alive… which I thought is probably one of the reasons why you picked a vice-president in the first place.
Watching Biden and her face off at the vice presidential elections will be like watching a fifth grade bully taking a first grader’s lunch money. Are we really ready to hand over that much power responsibility to this 44 year old former beauty queen and self-described ‘hockey mom’? Sure her eldest kid is going to Iraq (totally a political asset) but America does not need leaders with tokens. America needs world class decision makers. Now I’m sure she’s a great parent and she bakes the best cookies and is freaking awesome at moose-hunting and ice-fishing but VP candidacy? Sit the fuck down ok.
Btw, Palin recently gave birth to her youngest kid Trig (diagnosed pre-natally with down’s syndrome)? While it is admirable she made the decision to give birth to her son, I think it calls her personal judgement into question – not taking precautionary measures despite the exceedingly high odds of a high risk pregnancy and why she’s leaving her not-even four month old child to run this elections. Why did she even choose the amniocentesis test done in the first place if she had no intentions of terminating the pregnancy? So she could hold a pro-life banner over her head for the world to see?
And then there’s her teenage daughter Bristol. She’s in high school, unwed and having a baby. Pretty much a kick in the crotch for her mom (Palin backs abstinence only education and is strongly anti-abortion) As if being 17 years old and pregnant isn’t bad enough already, she’s going to have to marry into the boy’s family. Jamie Lynn Spears sent the family a gift basket (oh the awkward hilarity!), so I guess now they can be BFFL and Bristol can come over for sleepovers and watch Gossip Girl and braid their babies hair together.
Oh did I mention she wants to teach creationism in schools? Religion might not be a bad thing but I don’t think that floats very well in modernist USA. It didn’t work in Kansas and the people that voted for it in PA were almost completely wiped out electorally.
And I’m willing to bet that this is just the tip of the iceberg. What’s the iceberg? We really don’t know that much about Palin. What are some of her nut job ideas? Like Bobby Jindal (Governor for Lousiana and McCain’s other shortlist for running mate) He seemed like a pretty decent guy. Youthful, Christian, intelligent…and an exorcist when he was young. Can anyone say cuckoo for cocoa puffs?
I’d say the Democrats are about two thirds on their way to owning this elections after Obama picked Biden over Hillary (why wouldn’t he, Biden’s the poster child for the white American male) but snap, is the Republican committee sly or what – silly billy Dubya was elected into the office twice. Mr Obama, I’d watch them very carefully if I were you.
Filed under: Celebutards, Television, Youth Culture | Tags: ali lohan, baby prostitutes, Celebrity Gossip, Chelsea Lately, the Real desperate housewives, the sad sad lohan family
Remember when Ali Lohan didn’t look like a 39 year old Desperate Housewife? Oh Dina, I forgot – you’re not like a regular mom, you’re a cool mom~ (five bucks if you can guess what movie that’s from) I probably shouldnt care as much as I do about trainwreck celebrity families but oh snapples, taking vicious swipes at households more dysfunctional than mine? Like anyone can resist.
Chelsea Lately did some major sick sketches parodying Living Lohan that you should check out. I’ve seen snips of it on E! and everytime I hear that Long Island accent I just want to punch myself in the ovaries.
