Filed under: The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me | Tags: a poetic retelling of my unfortunate seduction, do you like to hurt - i do i do, emotions and other disasters
The hardest-learned lesson, is that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind.
So here I am again, hoping that these jotted over-emotional words will soon be devoid of meaning.
He called last Sunday.
I picked up.
I shouldn’t have.
Did her lips taste as sweet?
Do our love bites match?
This would be easier if you didn’t make me quite so fucking happy. At least for some of the better halves of it. Lying in bed filthy till the late morning, holding hands, looking at the ceiling and drifting in and out of sleep. Too much money spent on eating and drinking on your dirty bedspread, looking at pictures of your stupid magazines not understanding a word of it. Too much time wasted on you being my what could have been.
The truth is I did see this cancerous relationship coming to an end, like the terminally ill waiting for death. I have problems with stretching out bad situations thin. We both do it seems. The dreadful waiting, and waiting and waiting. I think at least I knew torture when I saw it. At least I knew when to quit.
For the benefit of my readers, there will officially be no further mentions of we on this blog, with the exception of forlorn reminisces of a hollowed past. Shit, I hate that you know I’m really going to miss this. Sorry I couldn’t be your fire starter, puppy.
Filed under: The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me | Tags: a poetic retelling of my unfortunate seduction
So here’s a piece of advice: let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough, and move on when things are not like before. For surely there is someone out there who will love you even more.
It would be most unbecoming of me if I didn’t blog about it.
This time however, it’s going to be completely symbolic.
I don’t have anything more to say.
This will be my quiet riot.
To everyone else: I can also be found on omgitsjosie.tumblr.com
Filed under: Life, Weekend | Tags: 21 in 13, breakfast, monsters vs aliens in 3D, weekends without makeup, where do we go from here?
These days are passing too quickly, I turn 21 in 13 days.
Relived a little childhood nostalgia watching Monsters Vs Aliens in 3D - anachrome glasses resting on the tips of our noses. It wasn’t as thrilling, I guess everything seems a little more exciting as a kid. Another weekend without make up, having breakfast in his bed. We grocery shopped for meats and cheese, I scrambled eggs and we feasted like epicurean kings and queens.
Paul’s party at Home in the evening, I miss my jet-setting posse.
Sunday in bed alone, just self-sympathy to keep me company, the familiar scent of tobacco wafting in the air, drifting through my lonely sheets.
I’m still not sure want I want from this, no one wants to have their heart left empty.
I guess people always leave.
Just breathe, Josie.
Filed under: Life, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me | Tags: garden state, holding hands and feeding ducks, sid and nancy
Anything less than mad passionate extraordinary love is a waste of time. There are so many mediocre things in this world. Love shouldn’t be one of them.
Everything gets to die, regardless of whether if it ever really got to live. So right now’s probably one of those perfect moments where you can’t help but just smile and be happy for a change, so why do I feel so scared of it? Maybe it’s just a feeling but I really fucking like this kid.
Sitting in the dark, listening to Iron & Wine, typing this and smoking. Yeah I’ve said some things about quitting but in the mean time I am still prowling for another suitably hedonistic vice to consume my life. I’ve also said some things about being a nicer person. And I should be, the universe, although far from showering me with rainbows and kitties, has been relatively kind to me lately. What you have to understand from all of this is, no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you care, some people are just assholes, end of story.
Filed under: The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me, Weekend | Tags: melancholy and infinite sadness
So maybe, maybe I’m not okay with this, but what’s a girl to do.
Adam Lazarra never said it better:
Forget me, it’s that simple.
Filed under: Life, Weekend | Tags: bertha mason, jane eyre, literary references, monday blues, mr rochester, the importance of being earnest
This will be another entry written notoriously vague.
Recently I’ve been so happy I’ve been annoying the shit out of everyone with it – one last hit because I couldn’t resist it. I haven’t updated much because these bursts of fleeting euphoria doesn’t make for very inspirational writing. Unless you’d much rather read my tales of gag-inducing pet-name calling, cute-is-what-we-aim-for cuddling and saucy bedroom secrets. Yes, fleeting – always a pessimist. I’m afraid Melancholy and infinite sadness are pretty much the only things that drive me.
Yesterday, spent a crazy amount of time lazing around in bed, not that it was any different from every other weekend. A lunch picnic bed spread on curried-sheets with pate and parma ham and salami while I indulged in his awful movie tastes, curled against him cringing at Reese Witherspoon’s awkward faux Victorian accent. Hit up Butter Factory because it was finally time to party after living like 60 year old people waking up too early in the morning only to take naps in the late afternoon because our frail bodies are unable to keep up with our fading lucidity. I rolled in style, naturally – leopard prints because I am me-ow!
Bertha Mason and Mr Rochester had an unfortunate run-in, I’m anticipating the moment she decides to set the manor on fire. Hell hath no fury like a jilted lover’s wrath – if you’re going to fuck up your life you might as well do it properly amirite? I’d say Bring It Bitch but it seems my weapons of choice are limited to a laptop, a working internet connection and a blog. Such a pity, I’ve been saving my razor sharp wit – like a knife in a gun fight. People who say the pen is mightier than the sword have obviously not had acid thrown in their faces or been strangled between the sheets. The lesson learnt here my precious, is to lock your doors before you sleep.
We’re both getting a day off tomorrow so it seems like the itinerary will be set for pillow-shopping. Domestic bliss although I’m probably the only loser in the world (with the exception of desperate housewives who hang out at the linen department at Tangs) excited about this shit. Curry in the evening – lately it seems like I’ve have had disgustingly uncontrollable urges to indulge myself with frivolity. I think it’s mostly because work has been making me want to bust my head open with a blunt object…what’s a little pampering. Just, someone shoot me before I turn into a Stepford wife – beep beep ribby ribby.
Probably finally going to break out Withnail & I. The good doctor says it’s sad. Which will probably make me cry – sappy movies are just about the only other time you’d see me weep (onions are the other) kryptonite. Not sure how I feel about bawling like a baby in front of someone else – sure we’re close enough for period sex to be put on the table but tears are a whole different ball park. You think I’m kidding about the last comment but I’m not.
Alright past my bed time, note to self: spend some quality time with Dr Dan, Fifi and the boys. Good-byte!
Filed under: Life, The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me | Tags: & I won't mind if you monopolize all my time, and you hold my heart like a hand grenade, melancholy and infinite sadness
Happier than words and sadder than you can ever imagine.
Filed under: Life, Weekend | Tags: brunch on the weekends, dempsey, house, HT annoy people until they wake up, jones the grocer, stuff white people like, sunday
This drawing is pretty much how I spent my Sunday morning – that’s right there was a smile on my face and everyone was white. Watching an episode of 90210 while I’m typing this so forgive me if I start babbling incoherently.
I had a great day today – thanks for asking! Woke up at 7am, and fiddled around in bed waking up the unmentionable repeatedly with a combination of: Parkinson-styled tossing and turning, walking into and out of the room to smoke, watching snippets of E! Entertainment in the living room on loud, and constant time-reminders of how lovely the day was and that the five minutes you requested for was up. Also made a very obvious mistake by not offering sexual favors as an incentive in exchange for getting up to have a nice morning meal – how amateur I know. Five times the efficiency of dumping iced water on you and minus 10 on the annoyance scale. But hey, breakfast first, blow jobs after.
Headed to Dempsey for brunch with the intention of hitting up the expatriate hell hole that is Jones the Grocer – but the waiters looked ridiculously busy and disorganized so we skipped out and went to House instead. The Eggs Benedict was average and I’ve had better hollandaise sauce but the service was impeccable. Also, where else in Singapore would you find Churros on the menu at 11 in the morning. I forgot how lovely House is – definitely two asian primate thumbs of approval.
Took a bus to Tanglin after because it was just too hot to keep walking; forgive us for being so pedestrian. Walked around looking for expresso machines – Martha Stewart would have approved of this, and had the worst raspberry sorbet in the entire world. The radioactive maroon color should have tipped me off but I’m stupid as shit like that sometimes. It tasted as if 20 pounds of sugar and cheap fruit concentrate took a dump in my mouth. Häagen-Dazs should think about including a ‘might cause diabetes’ surgeon’s warning with every scoop of that crap they sell.
Also tried looking for the lambskin S/S’09 wallet Fi was mentioning at the Dior store but couldn’t find it. Anyway, after several unsuccessful attempts at locating the mythical coffee maker, we left and I went back home for a 4 hour long siesta. It was delicious – so was the gazpacho I had after I woke up. Thanks D, Olé!
So that was my Sunday. I’m starting to really enjoy this relaxed weekend lifestyle change of shopping for groceries, soft furnishings and dining at cute delis, even if it puts me on the fast track to 40. Next week, watch as we hit the golf course with our matching Ralph Lauren polos & cashmere sweaters drapped loosely over our shoulders. Hope you kiddies had a good one!
Filed under: Life, Music, Weekend | Tags: Coffee and cigarettes, I'm just that dumb American momentarily decorating your blank canvas, Jazz hands, what a weekend, Why do you think everybody thinks relationships are supposed to last forever anyway?
Apologies for neglecting you dear readers, Klaus has pretty much ruined blogging for me. Especially now that I know he’s got my Twitter and WordPress bookmarked into his Safari Browser.
But Twitter is down for an hour so I figured I’d show some blog-loving this time around. Not like I have much to say in 140 characters or less all the time but it’s comforting to know it’s there when I do.
Time for an update:
1. Things have pretty much returned to normal – whatever normalcy means. I won’t delve into details because that would entail pouring my tortured heart out while Big Brother watches and there has been enough cardio-vascular action going on here already. This is me with the words on the tip of my tongue, and my eye through a scope down the barrel of a gun.
2. My weekend basically consisted of lazing around the house, smoking, writing, drinking whisky and listening to jazz – I’m starting to think I should kick it up Jack Kerouac style. No human contact whatsoever, save for a cold cut lunch with D. Dr Dan reckons it’s a little pathetic that my social life has completely fallen apart when one German decides to leave the city for a while – in my defense, this solitude was a little self-imposed. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
3. The past week, I also dug out heaps of my old records and while listening to Adam Lazzara emo-scream about how he’s a wishful thinker with the worst intentions is a tad embarrassing at my age, it mostly reminded me of why I fell in love with so many of these bands in the first place. If I had to live sixteen all over again, I wouldn’t have made it out alive, especially not without some of these guys. Ian mentioned that DCFC would be touring with Andrew Bird this summer and making a pit stop in Berkley – fuck me, how exciting!
Goodnight. I’m really looking forward to Monday.
Filed under: The Unexplainable Things that Seem to Only Occur to Me | Tags: get a grip motherfuckers, what a weekend
Hullo cool cats,
I’ve actually got quite a fair bit to say but I think I will restrain myself from taking it out here. I will however mention that some drug companies need to work on their “might cause semi-hormonal outbursts causing user to break into psychiatric-type self analysis and discussions” fine print.
I’m also going to chuck a suggestively hilarious someecard in here that in no way hints at my current emotional state, but then you draw your own conclusions from my blog entries anyway so I didn’t have to say that, dont you assumptious little fuckers?
A bientot!
